Last Surgery

Today I'm headed to the hospital for my last surgery - the sixth one. This time my plastic surgeon will be working on the shape and look of the reconstruction. The scar on my left side is really tight and so he is going to zig-zag it open so that the tightness and pressure are released. Hopefully that will make it so the scar isn't pushing in on the implant and making the front of it bumpy. The definition under the left breast has always been amazing, a nice beautiful curved line. Not so on the right side. It's still round, but not as defined. So, he'll open up that scar and suture a line in the muscle to create that definition. It probably still won't be as nice as the left side, but Dr. Bishop said that he's never seen definition as nice as what I've got on the left side. It's king of weird - not the norm. There are several sutures coming out through my skin from my earlier surgery under my arms, so he is going to (in his words), "Dig those out". Sounds unpleasant, right? It will be nice to have those gone, though. They scratch my arms.

The other thing he will be doing is creating the nipples. I'm not sure how I feel about this. On one hand, I think having nipples, even though they, along with the both "breasts", are fake, will make them seem real. I think my mind needs that. It's hard to look in the mirror and think that everything looks normal when there are no nipples. On the other hand, I haven't worn a bra since October. And no one knows. And I REALLY don't want to ever wear a bra again. There's really no need. Besides, I can't find one that fits the shape of the implants. It's really frustrating. But, I'm worried that without a bra, it will look silly - like I'm freezing cold all the time, if you know what I mean! Without the nipples, no one knows I'm not wearing a bra and you don't even notice the breasts. With nipples, they'll notice! It's kind of interesting how they make the nipples. I think he'll slice open the skin in a few places, causing flaps. Then he'll use that skin and pull the flaps up and around to form a skin mound. I'll have a small line going horizontally right through each nipple, but they will be hidden by the tatooing that will be done in 6 weeks to put the color on. Hmmm. That's just weird.

Well, Rick is ready. And we're off to the hospital... again. You know, everyone is so used to my surgeries now - no one ever wants to be at the hospital, or come to the house afterward. It's ok with me, really. I don't care. But it's far from where we were with the mastectomy - everyone was there. Haha. That's ok. I think Rick would prefer not having people at the hospital. Wish me luck.