Foob Babe's Cancer Journey: Pity Party

An explanation...

Why Foob? I had a double mastectomy, and at the time, the plastic surgeon put "expanders" under the muscles in my chest. Every 2-3 weeks, they were filled with more saline, in preparation for my reconstructive surgery. They were very full and hard. Uncomfortable. One time, one of my sons gave me a hug and then said "Your foobs are hard!" Hee, hee, hee! My kids have this endearing habit of combining words. So, "Foobs" are fake boobs. Which I will still have, even after the reconstruction.

Foob Babe - that would be me!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Just Gotta Get This off of My Chest...

I want my real boobs back. I am so tired of fake boobs.
I hate that I can't ever forget that I have fake boobs.
I hate that they are perfectly round.
I hate looking at myself in the mirror every day.
I hate how ugly the scars are.
I hate that I can't ever sleep on my stomach.
I hate that I don't sleep well, because I have to keep turning over because my chest hurts and is uncomfortable.
I hate that bras are so uncomfortable to wear.
I hate that I have to wear a bra.
I HATE that I can't feel anything when my husband touches me.
I hate how numb my chest is - and it's NEVER going to get better. Ever!
I hate boobs. I can't believe mine tried to kill me. Is it because I was never happy with them? To think that I've always wanted a boob job! I just want my real boobs back.
GAW!!!

Why I Started This Blog...

I started blogging about my cancer journey right after I had my head shaved. That wasn't the start of my cancer journey - it was 4 months into the journey. I'm hoping to be able to go back and write about what happened before that. This is my cancer journal - I hope it helps someone. If you have questions or concerns, and you think I can help, please contact me.

Cancer is an ugly monster. The things we have to do to save ourselves from cancer are ugly as well. Don't expect my thoughts and feelings about what I've gone through to be calm and nice.

Cancer sucks. Welcome to my thoughts.

July 2008 to July 2009 - one year of CANCER

July 22, 2008 - Routine mammogram
August 6, 2008 - Follow up mammogram - talk to the radiologist, he suggests a biopsy.
August 12, 2008 - Consult with surgeon, Dr. Robinson
August 15, 2008 - First biospy (needle-guided)
August 20, 2008 - I HAVE CANCER
August 25, 2008 - 2nd biospy and lymph node biospy
(not sure on this date) (they find another lump - more cancer that didn't show up in the mammograms!)
August 27, 2008 - Consult with Dr. Lamoreaux about removing cervix - I have endometriosis on my cervix causing pain
August 28, 2008 - Chest MRI
August 29, 2008 - MRI results: Looks like a snowstorm in both sides - possible cancer through both breasts.
September 3, 2008 - Cancer board meets to discuss my case
September 4, 2008 - Get genetic testing - for the Bracha gene (on advice from Cancer board)
September 5, 2008 - Several random Core biopsies in both sides. Went to visit with Rick's friend, Glenn, a radiologist. He confirmed that the MRI looked bad.
September 2nd week: Results from biopsies come back - no more cancer in the tissue remove (?!) Also find out the genetic testing is negative.
September - 2nd or 3rd week: Meet with Dr. Bott, the oncologist. He tells me that because I'm HER2 positive, the cancer is kind of like a super-cancer. It grows really fast. He says that because of HER2, the MRI is all white, the mammograms didn't show the lumps, etc. A bilateral mastectomy would give me the highest survival rate (7% chance of cancer coming back vs. 30% chance if I don't do it). He wants me to start chemo asap.
September 25, 2008 - Consult with Dr. Robinson about the mastectomy. He isn't convinced I need it. Neither is the Cancer board - they vote 50/50. I ask him if he can guarantee that there are no more hidden lumps. He says no. I say yes to the mastectomy.
October 6, 2008 - Pre-Op with Dr. Robinson
October 6, 2008 - meet with the plastic surgeon, Dr. Bishop. He hears the odds - and says to do what I think will help me survive the best. He'll fix what they destroy.
October 14, 2008 - Bi-lateral Mastectomy. Dr. Robinson does the mastectomy, Dr. Bishop comes in to insert expanders and close. Dr. Lamoreaux also removes my cervix.
October 21, 2008 - Post op with Dr. Bishop
October 27, 2008 - Post op with Dr. Robinson - he takes the pain pump out.
October 28, 2008 - Pre-chemo class
October 29, 2008 - First chemo treatment
November 5, 2008 - Herceptin treatment
November 12, 2008 - Herceptin treatment
November 16, 2008 - Bought wig and shaved head
November 17, 2008 - First "fill" in expanders at Dr. Bishop's office
November 19, 2008 - Second chemo treatment
November 26, 2008 - Herceptin treatment
December 3, 2008 - Herceptin treatment
December 3, 2008 - Expanders filled - Dr. Bishop
December 10, 2008 - Third chemo treatment
December 17, 2008 - My anniversary and Herceptin treatment
December 24, 2008 - Christmas Eve and Herceptin treatment
December 31, 2008 - New Years Eve and Fourth chemo treatment
January 7, 2009 - Herceptin treatment
January 13, 2009 - Expanders filled - Dr. Bishop
January 14, 2009 - missed Herceptin treatment - sick
January 21, 2009 - Fifth chemo treatment and double Herceptin treatment
January 28, 2009 - Herceptin treatment
January 28, 2009 - Consult with Drs. Williams and Martulo about high calcium level in my blood
February 4, 2009 - My birthday and Herceptin treatment
February 9, 2009 - Expanders filled - Dr. Bishop
February 11, 2009 - LAST chemo treatment
February 23, 2009 - Expanders filled - Dr. Bishop
February 24, 2009 - Echo-cardiogram (test on my heart to see if the Herceptin has hurt it)
March 3, 2009 - Bone Density Scan
March 3, 2009 - Parathyroid Scan
March 4, 2009 - Herceptin treatment and have blood taken for Maturlo's office
March 5, 2009 - Consult with Dr. Maturlo - I need to have my parathyroid (one of 4) taken out.
March 10, 2009 - Consult about bone density scan
March 11, 2009 - Expanders filled - Dr. Bishop
March 13, 2009 - Consult with Dr. Parsons about parathyroid
March 19, 2009 - Another consult about parathyroid - decide to do the surgery
March 24, 2009 - Expanders filled - Dr. Bishop
March 25, 2009 - Herceptin treatment & blood draw for thyroid doctor
March 25, 2009 - Ultrasound on my neck - pre-surgery
March 30, 2009 - LAST fill for expanders
April 2, 2009 - Yet another pre-op with Dr. Parsons
April 6, 2009 - Access port for surgery
April 7, 2009 - Parathyroid surgery
April 13, 2009 - Post-op with Dr. Parsons
April 15, 2009 - Herceptin treatment and see Dr. Bott
April 28, 2009 - Pre-op apt with Dr. Bishop for reconstructive surgery
April 30, 2009 - Access port for surgery
May 1, 2009 - FOOB surgery (reconstructive fake boobs)
May 4, 2009 - Post-op with Dr. Bishop
May 11, 2009 - Another post-op with Dr. Bishop
May 13, 2009 - Herceptin treatment
May 13, 2009 - Mugga scan of my heart
June 1, 2009 - Appointment with Dr. Bishop
June 3, 2009 - Herceptin treatment
June 9, 2009 - Apt with family doctor - Sundwall - to discuss joint and muscle pain
June 10, 2009 - Bloodwork to diagnose joint pain.
June 15, 2009 - Consult with Dr. Sundwall - I have Epstein Barr Syndrome.
June 22, 2009 - Herceptin treatment and see Dr. Bott
June 30, 2009 - Apt with Dr. Bishop
July 2, 3, 7, 8, 9, 2009 - physical Therapy to help with range of motion and stiffness in chest with Dr. Frogley
July 15, 2009 - Mugga scan on my heart
July 15, 2009 - Follow up apt with endocrinologist, Dr. Williams. Wants to do more blood work to test calcium levels
July 15, 2009 - Herceptin appt & blood draw
July 20, 2009 - 2nd reconstructive surgery (nipple reconstruction and z-plasty on scar)
July - 3rd week - find out I'm Vitamin D deficient
July 28, 2009 - Post-op with Dr. Bishop - get stitches out
July 31/August 1, 2009 - Cancer Walk - team name is "The Beauty Remains"