Boobless No More

Today starts my last boobless week. In 5 days, I go under the knife and will hopefully come out of the surgery with a nice rack. I'm pretty nervous. My doctor told me (and his nurse backed it up) that this surgery won't be as bad as the mastectomies. My husband said that it's probably like childbirth - you forget just how awful the pain and recovery is, and so agree to do it again! He said this because I told him that from what I can remember, the mastectomy wasn't that bad. Huh?! Yeah, go ahead and say it - I've got Chemo Brain! The chemo must have affected that part of my brain that really remembers just how awful that whole experience was. Actually, I don't think I believe what my doctor is telling me. I'm pretty sure it's going to be a crappy surgery and it will take longer than the "overnight" in the hospital to be ready to come home. Yes. He told me that I'd only have to stay overnight. Right. I stayed 5 days in the hospital after the mastectomy. The hospital is the only place I get to have morphine. My best friend is morphine. I'm pretty sure that I'll be staying longer than one day. In fact, I'll throw a huge fit if they make me leave! Oh, and you'll love this - the nurse actually said that I could probably go home the night of the surgery if I wanted to. Who in the hell would want that? Geez!

So, my life as an A-cup girl will now be over and I'll start the rest of my life as a large C-cup/small D-cup babe! Ok, admit it... if you had the opportunity to get a FREE boob job, you'd opt for way bigger too. And if you say "nuh, uh" I'll have to call you a liar. There have been a few people who have tried to tell me that I'll hate being big. ARE YOU KIDDING ME???!!!!! Hold on for a minute while I laugh hysterically...

Ok, done. Now, let's start this countdown thing... Oh, and if you want to come visit me in the hospital, I'd love to see you. Of course, since I'll be on morphine, I won't remember you came, but that's ok. Or, you can just tell me later that you visited me and since I won't remember, you'll score a brownie point without having to do the work. :-)

One more thing... just to make you a little jealous... I won't ever have to wear a bra again! Seriously! Can you just imagine the huge smile that is plastered on my face right now? I'll be perky forever. I'll be a perky 80-year-old. Wait, that's kind of a disturbing thought. Scratch that. Let's just end with I'll be perky forever.