My Head-Shaving Story Moment

I've waited for quite awhile before starting this blog. It's my Cancer Blog and to tell the truth, I just haven't wanted to write this next sentence. I have cancer. But, yesterday my head was shaved and I'm well on my way to surviving and I think I can write about the whole thing now.

I'll post parts of my cancer journal to get everyone up to date after this post. For now, though, I'd like to talk about yesterday. I had my first chemo treatment on October 29th and the nurses told me that I'd lose my hair between days 14 and 17. Whatever. Well, day 14 came and went without my hair falling out. I kind of pictured it falling out all at once. For you Harry Potter fans, I pictured it being like the Whomping Willow losing it's leaves in the movie. You know - it loses one leaf that swirls all the way down to the ground and then every single leaf hits the ground all at once! It's pretty funny in the movie. Not so much when it's your own hair. But, that's not what happened.

I had a hard time sleeping from day 14 to day 17, because I kept having nightmares about my hair falling out! I'd wake up in the middle of the night and tug on it, just to make sure it was still there. I really did hold a small hope in my heart that I'd be the only exception to the rule - the only person who wouldn't lose her hair. Yeah, right! On day 17 (no kidding) I started to lose my hair. Every time I touched it, tons would fall out. I could run my fingers through my hair and pull out gobs. It was very traumatic. I put off shaving it until Saturday, day 18. I just couldn't stand to have it falling out any more.

My sister, Kris, and I went to buy a wig. More about the wig later. She followed me home and when we got there, it was time. Have you ever been so frightened of something that you are physically ill? I have been. I thought I would throw up. I stalled as long as I could. When I was ready (as ready as you CAN be), Kris braided a small portion of the longest hair and then that was the first chunk to be cut off. You see, I wanted to keep a small bit of my hair, because I hear that hair grows in differently after chemo. I LOVE my hair. It's thick and full and with the help of my hairdresser, Aimee, just the right color - dark brown, woven with reds. When it grows back, my hair might be really curly, or super straight, or a completely different color - like gray!!!! Anyway, so now I have proof that my hair was once beautiful.

At the first cut, I started crying. I'm such a baby! My boys were way more brave than I was. I completely fell apart. Every cut made me sob. Kris was so nice. She kept saying how beautiful I was with every cut. Rick ran his hands through my hair when it was super short (about an inch all over). It was sad looking, because it looks like someone just hacked into my hair. Then Kris told me to take a deep breath, and she turned on the razor. If you've never experienced this before, it's a very scary sound. This whole thing was supposed to be my way of being in charge of at least one part of this whole cancer thing. But I didn't feel in charge. I just wanted my hair back. Kris shaved my whole head. I'll post a picture here, but it won't show how I felt. I felt like a victim. And I was mad. Way mad. I looked like one of the people in German concentration camps. We decided not to completely BIC my head - the stubble will fall out soon enough and then I'll be completely bald.

I'm getting used to it though. My boys all said it didn't look as bad as they thought it would. The big liars! Haha! They were so sweet though. I'm glad I have all boys. If I had girls, they would have just cried right along with me. But the boys all felt my head and told me how to get rid of all the loose pieces - "Trust us, when you shave our heads, we go right in and take a shower!"

Well, that's my story moment. Can you say, Cancer SUCKS?!